I barely can recall the night I met Taylor. It was at a bar around the corner from my apartment and the place was packed. I definitely blacked out that night. When Taylor texted me a few days later saying that we met at Pub Webb I couldn’t put a face to the name. He sent me a picture and that was the beginning of our no-strings-attached relationship.
I didn’t plan to engage in a year-long, on-again-off-again, intimate, non-exclusive relationship with Tay but that was just the way the cookie crumbled. I made a few attempts to nurture the bond and move things to the next level, which he seemed interested in...until he didn’t anymore.
There were conversations about feelings and emotional commitment, local outings and trips out of state to keep the romance going. Eventually it was silently understood that we worked better as casual sex partners rather than “real world” partners. That’s why the last time we had sex and I wasn’t fully present for the experience I didn’t shy away from telling him the truth: I couldn’t perform to my full potential because I was mentally and emotionally preoccupied with someone else.
Soon after I said that things got awkward. Needless to say, neither of us were satisfied when he left. Taylor tried to make light of the situation with jokes and small talk but I knew I’d made things uncomfortable. That was the last night I saw him. He stopped answering my calls and texts, and for good reason.
This leads me to the question: What do we owe the people in our lives with whom we’re just casually hooking up? Is there a line that shouldn’t be crossed, things that shouldn’t be said for the sake of sparing feelings? A simple slip-of-the-lip cost me consistent sex with someone I’d been seeing for over a year. I think it all boils down to respect. I should’ve had enough respect for my friend with benefits--and for myself--not to engage in casual sex while I was in an emotionally fragile state.
People are beings with real emotions that should always be held in high regard. In youth culture today we often undermine and show a lack of respect for the ones we don’t consider our “main attraction.” I’ve learned my lesson.
And for the record, it’s a myth that “the best way to get over one man is to get under another.”