When I first heard about Tinder I wrote it off as another social media trend that would come and go. I learned about it from my boy-crazed roommate who’s always trying out new dating sites. She raved about it; I rolled my eyes. I don’t really like to date. It feels awkward and forced. I prefer to get to know people in an organic, happenstance sort of way. I'd also heard the site was mostly used for impromptu hookups.
My outlook changed when I read a magazine article about Tinder from mens’ perspectives. It was a conversation-style piece that had several men chime in about how they use the site. One guy said he swipes right (or yes) for everyone, just to see how many matches he gets. Someone else said he had one goal: to land hookups. Another said he was looking for something serious, which gave me the idea that maybe Tinder could be useful after all. I figured if there are people out there using Tinder to find a deep connection then there’s room on it for a girl like me.
I set up my profile and made sure to include the disclaimer “no hook-ups” in it. I thought this would fend off any men preying on my muffin. (Later a male friend told me this only makes me a challenge.) My matches quickly stacked up and I had some pleasant conversations. I exchanged numbers with a couple people and ended up meeting them soon after.
Ray was a burly Italian from South Philly. He had a thing for black women. He chatted me up via iMessage and surprise, surprise: things quickly turned sexual. I told him if all he wanted was sex then I wouldn’t bother wasting my time. He assured me he wanted to get to know me beyond a physical aspect. We agreed to meet within a few days. From the nature of our talks I knew what I was in for. I was going to end up flesh to flesh with this man. Our first and last meeting was a booty call, and I was okay with that. He reached out to me afterward but I was no longer interested.
The second person I met was a rapper from New York who was going to school in Philly. He sent me some music and asked if I had any interest in collaborating. I did. We met at a recording studio and I laid down a hook I’d written for one of his beats. Our meeting was completely platonic. We still talk and we’ve seen each other multiple times without ever talking about sex.
So there you have it. Tinder is what you make of it. If you don’t want a casual fling, you don’t have to settle for one. But if you do, there’s a match out there waiting for you. The best way to go into these media platforms is with an open mind and an absence of expectations. You can meet someone who fulfills you for a few hours, or someone who’ll play an enduring role in your life.
Cheers to finding what you’re looking for!