I’ve never thought it was practical to try to have a friendship with someone after breaking up. “I still want to be friends” is the kind of statement that’s always made me raise an eyebrow. My instinct is to say no...and I always follow my instincts. I don’t know how everyone else’s emotions work but I know that I have a hard time switching from lovers to friends at the drop of an, “It’s over.” Call me immature but, if we weren’t friends before our sexual relationship, why would we try to be friends post-sex?
I recently dated someone who lived with two women that he’d had sexual relationships with in the past. I was more baffled by it than bothered. On one occasion he told me he couldn’t bring me back to his place in the middle of the night because his roommates would feel disrespected. Kudos to them for coexisting but I couldn’t do it.
When our relationship dissolved he expressed that he still wanted to be friends. Although we spent months getting to know each other before we had sex I never saw him as a friend. I believe when your initial intentions are to fuck a person the relationship never qualifies as a “friendship.” When he reached out to me a month and some change after our breakup saying he missed me, I assumed he’d be down for casual sex. I was wrong. I can’t wrap my head around why he felt the need to tell me he missed me if he didn’t at least want to bone. I mean, what exactly did he want me to do with that information? I don’t nurture fake friendships after surviving romantic let-downs.
I currently keep in touch with my ex-boyfriend whom I dated for two years. We follow each other on social media. When he texts me I answer. There’s a genuine love there but I wouldn’t call it a friendship, because if he weren’t hundreds of miles away in the US Navy I know we’d still have a physical relationship and maybe even fall in love again.
I’m a person who doesn’t like junk, clutter, or otherwise dead weight in her life. I’m happy with my diminutive circle of family and friends, and I don’t need extras unless there’s a direct reward in it for me. As Drake would say: no new friends.