Our minds are stronger than we know. If you’re familiar with the term “mind over matter” you may already know where this post is headed. It’s been said that satisfying sex is more mental and less physical. No matter how sexy you think the person you’re with is, if there’s no deeper compatibility chances are your sexual relationship won’t stand the test of time. In other words psychological excitement can lead to enduring sexual passion, even if you're not initially attracted to a person.
In my experience, I’ve been more likely to rush or altogether skip foreplay if I’m not emotionally invested in the person I’m hooking up with. Foreplay is important for several reasons, one of them being that we’re able to build ourselves up for intimacy. It’s also important to like the person we’re dealing with. The thought of a stimulating conversation he and I had earlier or remembering the way he made me laugh makes foreplay sexier. The simple fact that I know and trust the person I'm letting touch my body wherever and however he wants can make me feel more intensely turned on.
Furthermore, having sex with someone I don't feel connected to can leave a bitch feeling empty. For a long time I’ve kept friends with benefits just to feel close to someone at my moments of boredom or vulnerability. My new year’s resolution is to be more selective about who I share myself with, to be more present during intimacy, and not to cheat myself out of the best sex experience I can have...every time.
Sex is more than motion. It’s feeling, tasting, smelling, hearing, seeing, loving and sharing energy. Sometimes our sense of judgment can be altered when we’re in particular situations and that’s okay. What’s more vital is that we’re actively making a conscious effort to feel as much pleasure as possible the majority of the time.
Here’s to taking our sex lives to the next level in 2015. Happy New Year.