Starting Over

I recently made a decision to reroute my life. For a long time I resisted moving back in with my parents. I'd gotten so used to my freedom--smoking weed leisurely in my apartment, having spontaneous sleepovers, masturbating loudly. One thing I never got used to, however, was paying rent every month. At my parents' house I'd be living rent-free and there'd always be food in the 'fridge. I decided it was time to change direction for the good of my future. I returned to the home I grew up in so I could save money, and eventually move outside of Jersey permanently. 

For six years I built a colorful life in Philadelphia. I earned my bachelor's degree, partied harder than ever, grew as an artist, made close friends. In that time I was blossoming, trying new things. But in the last six months things dried up. I became sick of my job and most of my friends had moved away. The last straw was when a promising music partnership I had dissolved. I really felt like I was just wasting time, so I made a decision to move. I gave my parents a moving date and sent my landlord a text. Within two weeks my apartment was empty and I was leaving it all behind. 

Letting that chapter of my life go was harder than I expected. I'd fallen into a comfortable, secure routine of working a long-term job and paying my bills each month. It was a safe and low-risk way of life. I enjoyed my cozy studio apartment and my independence, but I knew it was a road to nowhere. The one consistent thing in life is change, but I never get used to the twists and turns. The upside is that this is forcing me to progress. I now know that when I'm uncomfortable or uncertain it means I'm growing. 

I could've stayed in Philly longer, saved money, and made my transition a little smoother. Instead I chose to rip the bandaid off. Being back in my parents' house reminds me every day that I'm working toward achieving a goal. If I had waited for the "perfect time" to rearrange my life I would've been waiting forever. I once read that if you want to make a drastic change, you have to do something drastic. As uncomfortable as these last weeks have been, I'm still feeling grateful for the will to start over. 

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