Love in the Club
Not every man who walks into a strip club is evil. They’re not automatically misogynistic. They don’t all have an agenda. I have to remind my family and friends these things after I tell them I’m dating someone I met at work. People from all walks of life frequent gentlemen’s clubs. I think I have a knack for scoping out the interesting ones.
It makes sense that a lot of the men I become involved with I meet at my job because I spend a lot of time there. If I had to give a rough figure I’d estimate that I give 2 out of 10 customers my phone number. Most of the guys I come across at my club don’t interest me. On the occasion that one does, there’s a clear distinction between him and other men.
Having a sustained conversation with a patron is one sign there’s potential for more than a transactional relationship. Sometimes the men who get my phone number don’t get a lap dance because they want to separate themselves from the pack. Then there are the dudes who buy a dance to show me they aren’t broke (and to show support). I don’t think one approach has a more telling effect than the other, but it is nice when they get a dance because I get a magnified look at who they are. Noting how he behaves during a private dance is a great way to figure out what kind of man I’d potentially be dating. If he’s overzealous and too handsy then I probably won’t see him outside the club. I want a man who’s composed and respectful.
“I’d estimate I give two out of ten customers my phone number.”
The ones who remain calm and collected always turn me on. If we end up in a relationship I’ll have the time we met as a point of reference for how he behaves with women when I’m not with him. Think of me as a fly on the wall, observing my future boyfriend. The guy gets points for self-control and patience. The more or less touchy he is during those first moments with me half naked is indicative of how seriously interested in me he is, and how respectful he is of women.
Men from work who I end up dating appreciate that the way I earn my living is only one facet of who I am. They’re inquisitive about my life, interests, and goals beyond the club. They’re open-minded, self-possessed and they recognize my drive. There have been instances when I went out with someone and we never had sex, times when we had sex months later, and a couple occasions when we ended up in an exclusive relationship. I don’t believe someone I meet on the clock is any more likely to hurt me than someone I meet in the “real world”.
Just as every person who attends church isn’t a picture of holiness, every person who dates a stripper isn’t a douchebag who doesn’t value her as his equal. That being said, I’m also not naive enough to think all the people who pursue me have good intentions. I take everything I’m told with a grain of salt and place more value on a person’s actions. I’m not a woman looking for love in the wrong place—I’m the one who’s not limiting her prospects. Will I find (lasting) love in the club? The verdict’s still out.