My relationship with men is complex. I have great male figures in my life—my dad, my godfather, my brother. They’re compassionate, smart, charming, hard-working, loyal, family-oriented. They treat women (and people in general) with respect. I’ve seen the best versions of men in them, and that includes their moments of being jerks. But it’s disheartening when the best men I know are limited to my family group and a few friends. What happened to everyone else?
While I’ve had positive experiences with guys, I’ve also seen the worst excuses for men. When I first started stripping one of my uncles told me, “You’ll never look at men the same way again.” It was a risk I was willing to take. He was right. I’ve witnessed how (literally) dirty, selfish, oblivious, manipulative, and animalistic guys can be. I’ve seen these kinds of humans so often that now when I meet someone non-woman I automatically assume he’s part of the overwhelming bad batch of men until he proves otherwise.
Every day I’m bombarded with messages from men on the internet. What they say to me ranges from small talk to weighing me down with their emotional drama to asking me in-depth questions about myself. The most recent phenomenon I’ve faced is men from Tinder who I didn’t match with sliding into my Instagram direct messages and shooting their shot. If we didn’t match on Tinder why do you think I’ll change my mind on Instagram? They may mean well but that doesn’t make dealing with them any less annoying.
A few days ago I posted a picture of a tattoo a woman got that said “I hate men”. I captioned it, “Me too, sis” and guess who showed up in my inbox with questions. Saying I hate men is a blanket statement and disregards the genuinely good ones out there. I know you’re not all the same...but most of you are. I’ll say this: I’m typically disgusted by people with penises at some point in the time I know them. I don’t care if this offends you. Chances are you offend women every day without realizing it. My negative experiences with men stretch from innocuous catcalling to having a professional photographer ask if he can eat me out at the end of a photoshoot. Do you see how this can cause a woman post traumatic stress?
I can’t just cut men out my life. After all, I make my money from them. They pay me for my services which include entertaining them, stroking their ego, and providing a listening ear when they want to vent. I’m innately attracted to them as I am a heterosexual woman. Right now though, I am burnt out from a series of unsatisfactory relationships and run-ins that have left a sour taste in my mouth. I’m only interested in engaging with men I’ve already cultivated a relationship with or if the exchange is overtly in my favor, meaning there is monetary gain. The roster is filled otherwise.
I’m not writing this to be another woman who bashes men. I’m writing these words because I’m fed up and want dudes to know how they affect their women counterparts. Men, no means no. Men, stay out of my DM’s. Men, I don’t want pictures of your dick. Men, take your questions to google. Men, make your intentions clear. Men, don’t assume I want to know anything about you sexually. If you take anything from this post let it be this: think thrice before you say what you’re thinking and, it’s always your best bet to leave your penis out of a conversation.