Cheat Code: How to Play the Game of “Friends with Benefits”
My name is Jacky Wright and I’m a contributor to The Problem With Dating. Let me be clear—I’m no expert but I do enjoy writing about what I know. Let’s jump right in!
Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve met someone for the first time and the sexual tension was impossible to contain, the energy was undeniable and there was an instant spark? Of course you have! It’s crazy to think that within a matter of hours you already know you and your counterpart are going to have fire sex. The questions come down to: Do you act on the impulse that day and have a one-night stand? Wait a few more dates to save your dignity, then do it? What’s the best decision to make? I personally believe it’s a judgment call, but if both of you are yearning, it’s safe to assume it’s going to happen much sooner than later. After the initial encounter, subsequent meet-ups turn into [sex] sessions. No dates, no fluff. It’s all-out action. Congratulations, you’ve now become friends with benefits! This is where things can get tricky. Sex is never just sex, and there are always some type of emotions involved. Whether one or both parties want to acknowledge those feelings is a whole other thing. With that being said, here are a few tips to effectively play the game of Friends With Benefits without playing yourself.
Communicate – A closed mouth doesn’t get fed (pun intended). It’s in your best interest to make your intentions clear. If you’re only there for a good time, let it be known. There’s nothing worse than manipulating someone and playing with their emotions. Specifically for the fellas, you’d be surprised by some of the responses you will get when you keep it super funky. There’s a possibility she wants the same exact thing you do. To quote the great Marshawn Lynch: You know why I’m here. It’s best to come clean with what you want and let the rest take care of itself.
Reciprocate – In order to keep this arrangement moving along you have to deliver every single time. If you both signed up for pleasure and pleasure only, reciprocity is a recipe for success. It would seem pretty pointless to engage in a FWB agreement where the foreplay was one-sided. You should get yours and they should get theirs. That’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Respect – Even though there’s no strings attached, respect should still be the fundamental bond of the agreement. You’re still dealing with another person so treating them like a piece of shit is not the wave. At the end of the day you’re cutting to the chase and actually sharing the most intimate parts of a person, their body and soul. There’s no need to text/communicate all day but whatever interaction you have outside of figuring out when you’re going to link should still be cool and fun. Plus, who wants to mess around with someone you can’t even remotely chop it up with?
My name is Jacky and thanks for listening to my TED Talk. Until we meet again!