Am I Dating a Man or My Phone?

Recently I’ve found myself connecting with dating prospects exclusively through my phone. I met these men on apps, and as life has us anchored in different locations at the moment, there’s been no choice but to get to know them by way of technology.

Naturally, the relationships started with physical attraction (from photos) before segueing into more. We went from matching-to-chatting-to-following each other on social media. And somewhere in that pipeline texting regularly was incorporated as well. With each ‘lmao,’ heart emoji, and metaverse kiss, I've become a little more intrigued and a little more invested.

I’ve been getting the false sense that I know these people. As time goes on and interest grows, I wonder who is actually on the other end of these communications. The fact that these romantic pursuits have been characterized by distance has made it hard to know: am I investing in real people or figments of my imagination? Are sparks really flying or just phantom jolts from my electronic device? 

What I’m particularly curious about are things like their hygiene and pheromones, what they wear on a grocery store run, how often they cut their hair… you know, the important stuff.

It’s easy to develop a digital crush when we’re flooded with highlight reels of each other’s lives. On Instagram I’m seeing these guys’ accomplishments, their best ‘fits, and their seemingly well-rounded lives. On the surface it sells me the idea that they’re ambitious, fashionable, and cultured. It’s great, but it doesn’t help me know what they’re really like underneath the polish of a carefully curated media presence.

Still, even while I’m aware of this one-sided slideshow, I’ve filled in the blanks and created made-up versions of my potential partners based on who I want them to be, who I hope they are. I've found myself daydreaming about what they’re like in person, pondering if the screen chemistry will translate to a face-to-face bond. 

I have no doubt that they’ve dreamt up some alter-version of me as well. I’m sure they’ve hyped me up based on how I present myself on the world wide web, and I wonder if I’ll match their expectations. I’m no catfish, but I worry they'll think I look better online than I do in person. And what happens when they see I’m not always the vixen I project on my profiles? While my social media might portray me as self-possessed and smooth, I’m actually awkward and perpetually nervous — something they won’t know until I’m right in front of them.

Aside from all that, cyber connections are also a source of anxiety for me because I adapt to my counterparts' communication styles. I get familiar with the rhythm and frequency of their texts, and then I inadvertently form expectations. If I’m used to someone texting me with a particular regularity, I’m thrown off kilter when there’s a change in the pattern. 

With the frustrations that have come with forging a relationship through texts, it’s also been nice to have fuel for my fantasies. As with everything in life, there’s a balance. There’s equal possibility for something worthwhile to strike up between us as there is for a dull experience. I see a world of potential on the other side of my handheld affairs, and that’s something to cling to.

So therein lies the pleasure and pain of sharing virtual exchanges with men who are thousands of miles away from me. Ultimately there’s only one way to find out if the people in the flesh can compete with the ones I’ve conjured up in my mind — and I fully intend to explore that avenue.