Me, Myself — My Valentine
Long gone are the days when we had a classroom full of valentines who passed around miniature love notes to everyone on the teacher’s roster. In the real world - or at least in the dating world - we’re each on a team of one, and there’s no default valentine.
Even when partnered, there’s no guarantee that your person will stick by you. Both parties are liable to leave at any given time. That’s why I think it’s important to decenter romance in our lives and realize that we’re our own forever valentines.
I’m not implying that it’s an easy thing to do. If you haven’t noticed from my endless stories of the pursuit of romantic affection — and the seemingly never-ending loss of it — I’m a love addict. I could break down the intimacy disorder that is love and sex addiction, but I’ll spare you for now. This is about my journey to a healthy relationship with love, and learning to put myself first.
“The streets” are not kind to people who are choosing and hoping to be chosen. Dating and putting yourself out there means you have to be vulnerable and ready at any moment to have your heart shattered. No matter how intentional, honest, or open you show up there’s no guarantee that you’ll get the same in return.
Truly making yourself available to another person is not for the weak or faint of heart. Sometimes it’s fun and surprising, but oftentimes I wonder why I keep putting myself through the wringer and if it will ever be worth it. I guess I have faith, and that’s what keeps me moving forward.
In the mean time I’m practicing strengthening the areas of my life outside of love. The best way to show up to a potential new relationship? Whole. It’s cute (and cliché) to say things like, “he’s my other half” or “she completes me” but it’s a low-key toxic mindset. We have to constantly remind ourselves to create an abundant life outside of who we’re dating or hooking up with. We’re our one constant, consistent, unbreakable life partner.
I don’t want the person I’m dating to be the most interesting thing I have going on. The more self-aware and whole I am when involving myself with someone, the healthier and stronger our bond will be.
This February 14th I choose me.
