January 1, 2022.
welcome to my inner monologue
When your phone buzzes with texts from everyone except the person you want to hear from. When your life is stunted because the future hinges on a decision you’re not ready to make. When you remember something you haven’t thought of in years and the feelings attached to the memory flood your nervous system. When you take a risk in saying how you truly, deeply feel. Thinking someone unblocked you but then realizing you’re using a different Instagram account. Confusion in seeing the person who did you dirty doing well. Finding out your folks never actually dated…and subsequently making sense of their misaligned marriage. Answering your grandmother’s call when you’re in a terrible mood and instantly feeling guilty about it. Trying to write a good song and choking every. single. time. Seeing the doubt on your mom’s face when you tell her one of your 2022 goals. Feeling silly for putting your life in front of your measly 2,000 followers when you’re not even getting paid for it. Getting excited about a new romantic interest, only to question your attraction to him shortly thereafter. Regretting all the time you’ve wasted since graduating high school. Fighting the urge to quit. Thinking maybe you don’t actually want to accomplish anything — you just want the praise and attention that comes with it. Wondering where you’d be now if you’d gone to art school. All the wrong fucking people in your DM’s. Would life be easier if I were better looking? Resisting the desire to look at his profile. The pressure to complete all your creative endeavors on your day off. What if I kept my baby?
