Make Me Cry So I Know It’s Real
I’ve never been a crybaby. My general temperament is cool and calm, steady and unmoved. My best friend can vouch for me. We’ve been friends since we were seven and the first time she saw my eyes well up was when I got a bad haircut at age 19. Other occasions that have prompted waterworks are the ones you can imagine...death, physical pain, and cutting onions without a toothpick handy.
Something I picked up on recently, though, is my tendency to cry in circumstances around my love life. I noticed a lot of times I don’t realize how much I really like a guy I’m dating until there are tears rolling down my face because of him. It usually happens when there’s friction and I’m forced to confront how emotionally invested I am. It’s a wake up call that always seems to catch me off guard.
I’ll think I’m dating someone casually until all of a sudden, the prospect of him not being in my life knocks the wind out of me. It’s in that moment I know there’s no turning back. Gone are the carefree days of lighthearted flirting and playing hard-to-get. I’ve been “got.”
If a man can evoke tears from me, he’s onto something. It’s not always symbolic of mistreatment. Sometimes we’re just not seeing eye to eye or it feels like the odds are stacked against us. It can be that a strain is put on the relationship, like distance or some other incidental stressor.
Other times it’s because of narratives I make up in my mind. Like the time I watched my crush’s Instagram story and saw him posing with a girl a day after we’d last hooked up. I jumped to conclusions, convincing myself they were also hooking up. My heart plummeted to my stomach and in the following days I found my emotions marked by warm saltwater dripping down the side of my nose. Later I found out they were just friends. All those tears for naught!
I’ve also shed tears in moments of extreme pleasure. I’m not talking about laughing until I cry (I’ve actually never done that). It’s rare but, more than once, I’ve cried euphoric tears during sex. An orgasmic cry is next level and I highly recommend it.
I’d be remiss not to mention the worst case scenario kind of weeping. It’s the kind that’s triggered when I feel like someone’s blatantly done me dirty. It’s painful and heavy. It’s deep and it can feel never-ending. It’s a true purge and it’s absolutely essential to my healing.
So yes, I know my feelings for someone are real after he inspires a good sob. If a guy doesn’t make me emotional one way or another, I know I’m with the wrong person. It’s not necessarily an indication of a toxic situation. It’s my heart communicating with my head, and I welcome it.
