Sitting in Singledom
I’ve been reluctantly single for years. I’ve pined for men who would never commit to being my partner. I’ve fallen in infatuation off the strength of sex, despite not being compatible with a guy. I’ve thrown myself into the online dating pool, believing the more people I met the more likely I was to land in a relationship. That all changes now.
For the first time in a long time I’m not thinking about the prospect of a boyfriend. At this point I’m putting the brakes on the pursuit of romantic love and riding the wave of singlehood. I already feel a change in my energy as I move with a new mindset. When I’m in public I already know where I stand when someone hits on me—planted in singularity. When I’m out and see an attractive man I don’t get flustered...because who cares what he thinks of me? There’s no future for us.
The dating apps have been deleted. The flickering flames have been snuffed and unfollowed. Dignity has been restored.
There are many perks of being a party of one—leaving a function at whatever time I want, no pressure to spend time with a significant other’s friend group, not having a discussion about every meal. And speaking of food, when I buy groceries as a single person I rarely spend more than $60. I can make decisions on a whim and change course as often as I please without having to fill someone else in. There’s no compromising on what movies to watch. I can use the bathroom as long as I want. I don’t have to figure out what to buy for birthdays and holidays.
There are different ways to be single. Single and looking. Single & sad. Single & ready to mingle. Single & satisfied. They’re all legit. Although one can be non-committed and still enjoy an active sex life, that’s not where I’m at. I’m not seeking or entangling. When a nearly year-old Hinge match slid into my DM’s last week with, “Let’s make out this weekend,” (a nod to a recent post of mine) I had to stop him in his tracks. Right now I just don’t have the emotional space for inconsequential hookups.
Over the last four years I’ve been completely gutted in my love life, and I think it’s time for me to graciously bow out. Eventually I’ll find my way back into dating territory, but for the foreseeable future I’ll be on the bench. I’m taking a huge step back to reexamine my life and recover. I’m excited to see how I grow from focusing my energy into all the other things that make life worth living—platonic and familial love, building a career, being creative, learning new things.
This doesn’t mean I don’t still believe in love—I totally do. I’ll be living vicariously through other people’s love stories and admiring everyone who’s bold enough to give authentic connection a shot. I know in my soul that I’m going to have great relationships in my future, and I’m content to patiently wait for a quality partner.
